the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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