dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
