ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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