Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
