I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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