i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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