Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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