it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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