Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
