You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
