Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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