Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
