Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
