Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
