; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
