forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
