yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
