Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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