I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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