The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
