He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
