sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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