How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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