she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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