I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
