I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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