why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
