OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
