You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
