Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
