New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just gargled with NyQuil
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
