My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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