where am i from again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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