Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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