Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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