i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
