some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
