He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
