Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
