so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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