your parents love me but you hate me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
