Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
