So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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