1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
