Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
