i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
