He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
