yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
