It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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