I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
