We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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