I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
