wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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