omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
