My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
