the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
